REPUBLICANS SHOULD QUIT TRYING TO BE COOL

This isn’t really about Donald Trump, even though the picture would lead you to believe it is.

It’s about Republicans and how desperate they are to be cool, or at least to rise above being lame.

The story begins in 1984, when Republicans decided that the perfect music to introduce President Reagan at his campaign appearances was the Bruce Springsteen hit of the time, “Born in the USA.”

Perfect, right?

Do you think they heard the lyrics?

“Born down in a dead man’s town, the first kick I took was when I hit the ground. You end up like a dog that’s been beat too much till you spend half your life just coverin’ up …”

Yup, it was Morning in America.

Republicans never learn. When they try to expand their musical universe beyond Anita Bryant, Pat Boone and the Osmond Brothers, they get into trouble.

When Sarah Palin was on the ticket in 2008, she tried to celebrate her success in high school basketball by using Heart’s song “Barracuda.” Ann and Nancy Wilson quickly let Palin know they were not fans of heres and they did not want their song associated with her.

The next example isn’t musical, just another pop culture thing that happens when the whitest white people in the world don’t understand the zeitgeist.

When the Tea Party movement came along in 2010, its members compared themselves to those who participated in the Boston Tea Party anti-tax protest. All well and good, but they started calling themselves “teabaggers.”

They should have checked with Anita Bryant.

It turns out “teabaggers” is a term for gay men who enjoy dragging their testicles across their partners’ faces.

Oops.

Trump has taken the embarrassment to a new level, He started using John Fogarty’s classic anti-war song “Fortunate Son” at rallies, apparently thinking the song was about him, not realizing that the meaning of the song was the opposite of what he thought it was.

“I ain’t no fortunate son …”

Maybe he thought he wasn’t that fortunate because Daddy Fred was so demanding.

But of course it always gets worse with Trump. This fall he started using two songs by the Village People at his rallies, apparently failing to realize the popular ’70s band were gay icons. He apparently got a thrill out of thinking of himself as a perfect example of a “Macho Man,” but it was the other song that was even worse.

For some reason, the less-than-hip crowd had fallen in love with “YMCA,” which had inexplicably become a favorite tune at minor league baseball games, with fans singing along and forming the letters.

They apparently didn’t realize the song was about gay men in unfamiliar towns using the local YMCA to hook up with other gay men.

Obviously, neither did Trump.

Many of his rallies ended with “YMCA,” with the audience singing and Trump dancing like the elderly white man he is.

“It’s fun to stay at the YMCA. It’s fun to stay at the YMCA. They have everything for you men to enjoy, you can hang out with all the boys.”

Yep, old Trumpers is one hep cat.

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