It’s beginning to look a lot like … like what?
This Thursday will be Thanksgiving, but we’re being asked not to hold traditional big family celebrations because of the coronavirus. Otherwise the holiday song will change from “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” to “Grandpa Got Wiped out by a Virus.”
Actually, the day after Thanksgiving might be the scariest, when Americans flock to big boxes for that holiday of American Capitalism, Black Friday. That’s when crowds of people line up outside the Walmarts, Best Buys and other stores in the middle of the night to get bargains before sunup.
Black Friday might just be the scariest day of the year, just ahead of Trump Goes Naked day. Back in my newspaper days, one of the weirdest assignments of the year was getting out before 5 a.m. and interviewing people in line to shop.
One year, I talked with a guy who had been camped out in front of a San Bernardino Best Buy for 36 hours in order to be the first one inside and get about a thousand dollars off on a big-screen TV. That was back in the early days of HD television and big screens, when decent sets cost upwards of $2,000.
For those of you who aren’t Black Friday aficionados, the way it worked was that the biggest specials were generally for no more than two or three items per category, so you not only had to be at the head of the line, you had to be fast once you were inside.
People were deathly serious, too. I think 2002 was the first time I covered Black Friday, and my first stop was a Walmart in
Upland, California. The doors were opening at 6 a.m., and I was there an hour before that. There were about 1,500 people in line, and there were a hundred or so more who weren’t standing in line and looked like they would rush the door when it opened.
I think it was a couple of years after that when reports started coming in from around the country about people being trampled to death trying to get into Walmart as quickly as they could. What I wondered was whether the people who had knocked them down, or even worse stepped on them, felt any guilt about what they had done to stretch their Christmas shopping money.
“Hey, Dad. Remember when you got the big screen?”
“Sure do, Junior. I had to kill somebody to get that.”
So if you ever wonder how we could elect someone like Donald Trump president, you don’t need to wonder anymore.
I’m hoping the pressure is lessening somewhat. Just a few months ago, I got a 50-inch UHD television for just $328. And I know some computers can be had for less than $500. I’m not saying those prices aren’t a reach for a lot of people, but I don’t think they’re so high that it’s worth killing someone to get discounts.
And they’re certainly not worth catching the virus and bringing it home to your family.
“Hey, Dad. Great new TV.”
“Yeah, and I got a special bonus along with it.”
Do yourself a favor this year, and do friends and family a favor too.
Skip Black Friday. Wait for Cyber Monday.
It’s way more civilized.