CAN’T WE JUST ALLOW FOLKS TO LIVE THEIR LIVES?

The one issue that seems to ignite the loony right more than any other is of course abortion.

But the one that frightens them the most — particularly the manly men on the far right — is same sex marriage. Just look at the motel scene in “Trains, Planes and Automobiles” and you’ll see the panic.

It was a huge issue for nearly a generation, but in recent years it seems to be looking more and more like settled law. Instead of the issue being where two people of the same sex can marry, it’s now about whether fundamentalist bakers can refuse to make wedding cake for them.

I wrote this in May 2009:

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At some point later today, the California Supreme Court will either uphold or strike down Proposition 8, in which voters decided that same-sex marriage in California should not be legal.

My guess is it’s a tough call that could go either way, but just as my own views have evolved over the last decade or so, so has the consensus in California.

In 2000, there was a proposition on the ballot declaring marriage as being between a man and a woman. I voted for it.

In 2008, Prop 8 took the same stance. I voted against it. It cost me an important friendship, although the friend came back after my own position had evolved.

The 2000 proposition passed with 61 percent of the vote; last year’s passed with 52 percent. Give Californians another eight years and you’ll see a solid vote in favor of allowing anyone to marry, gay or straight.

Nine years ago, I didn’t see it as a civil rights issue. I still didn’t know whether being gay was a choice or a genetic condition, and my own religious values got all tangled up with defining marriage. I figured civil unions were fair enough.

But even my friend Mitch, one of the last of the great homophobes, is evolving on this issue. (Even though he doesn’t believe in evolution) Thirty years ago, Mitch told me that if he found out one of his friends was gay, that would be the end of the friendship.

A couple of soul kisses after a long night on the town cured him of that.

Just kidding. He came to realize that just as most straight people don’t see their sexuality as what defines them (sorry, Mr. Hefner), neither do most gay people. Sexuality is just a part of what makes us who we are.

The problem with banning gay marriage, or same-sex marriage, or whatever you want to call it, is that civil marriage is not about religion. It’s about property rights, and benefits, and visitation and all sorts of other things.

I think everybody ought to have the same rights when it comes to that stuff.

That’s why I’m hoping the court rules against Prop 8 today. It isn’t a matter of public opinion. When the court struck down laws against mixed-race marriages more than 60 years ago, 90 percent of Californians thought it was a bad decision.

The people aren’t always right.

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The California court sort of pussed out at the time, upholding Prop 8 but saying same-sex marriages performed during the short time they were legal would continue to be legal.

Mitch had been holding his breath. He was afraid the court would strike Prop 8 down. He thought same-sex marriage would be mandatory and he didn’t want to give up his wife for a guy.

Except maybe if his wife was Rosie O’Donnell and the guy was Rob Lowe.

Of course Mitch isn’t a real person. I use him as a straw man for the right wing point of view, although he does share some characteristics with people I know.

He used to describe freedom by saying my freedom to throw a punch ends where his nose begins. That’s basically true, but a lot of people who used to be satisfied with that definition now say even if the punch stops short, the puncher’s freedom ends where they get offended by it.

There used to be an expression that worked pretty well — mind your own business.

And one I like even better.

Live and let live.

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