When my son Virgile was 14 years old, I was working at my computer when I heard music coming from his room.
It was a song I’d heard about a thousand times too many, back in 1988 when it was all over the radio.
“Here’s a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note, don’t worry, be happy …”
In fact, I had heard it so many times that year in Colorado that I would have been fine never hearing it again.
No such luck.
“In every life we have some trouble, but when you worry you make it double, don’t worry, be happy …”
My son apparently hadn’t heard it a thousand times too many, but hey, he was just 3 years old in 1988.
The song ended and he started it again.
And again.
And again.
I was just about ready to ask him not to play it again when I thought for a moment.
Yes, I was not a man of Mister Bobby McFerrin, and I truly did not care for “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” even if it was the only a cappella song ever to reach No. 1 on U.S. pop charts. But my son was 14 — a truly wonderful boy — and he loved listening to music.
A 14-year-old kid who never once played heavy metal or death medal or whatever you want to call it. Who had never played gangsta rap or anything like that.
A kid who enjoyed singing along with me when I played Julius LaRosa’s version of “Eh Cumpari.”
A song entirely in Italian and as much of a staple at ethnic weddings as the Chicken Dance
Anyway, at an age when an awful lot of boys are thinking dark thoughts, my son was playing “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.”
I would never say I knew everything there was to know about parenting, but I knew if a 14-year-old boy was happy and it didn’t involve any destructive behavior, leave him alone to enjoy himself.
If he has questions or needs help, jump in gladly.
Otherwise, to quote Pink Floyd, “Leave those kids alone.”
It’s not just about kids, either. The most useless piece of advice you can give anyone is to “try and be happy.” The more any of us “try to be happy,” the more elusive happiness becomes.
If I “try to be happy,” I eat too much, I indulge my senses or I spend money to buy “things.” Any of those actions might give me a temporary high, but those highs are nearly always followed by lows.
On the other hand, if I set out to make the people around me happy, I usually don’t feed them, stimulate their senses or spend money on them. I praise them, I help them accomplish things or I do something thoughtful for them.
Making them happy improves their mood and makes me happy as well. Making other people happy makes them want to be around you, which is the real Law of Attraction.
The whole “secret” mentality of attracting money or possessions by wishing for them is ridiculous. There isn’t enough money in the world for everyone to be wealthy, and when you fail, they just tell you that you didn’t try hard enough.
The true Law of Attraction is that the more you work to make other people happy, the more you will attract happiness to yourself.
The whole Happiness thing is actually quite simple. It really comes down to one thing: Stop worrying about yourself.
There are three basic steps to happiness.
1. Love God, not so much as a religious thing, but so you understand you are not the center of the universe, the crown of creation.
2. Let go of past regrets and disappointments. Too many people live in the past or in the future. Live in the present and the future will take care of itself.
3. Devote your energy to making the people around you happy. Don’t spend any time trying to make yourself happy. Your happiness will be a pleasant side effect of your actions.
The first real dating relationship I ever had ended sadly for me, mostly because the lovely young lady I was seeing was too young for a real relationship. When she broke up with me, she said something wonderful:
“You have done more things to make me happy than any boy I have ever known.”
It remains one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.
So if I can leave you with four words …
Don’t worry.
Be happy.