AMERICA A LAND OF GOOFY TOURIST STUFF

One man’s kitsch is another man’s … classic tourist attraction?

And one man’s clickbait on Facebook is my unfortunate addiction.

I’m pleased to report I have finally stopped looking at sites that attract viewers with lies, like “see what (some gorgeous actress) looks like today” and then seeing pictures of 75 other celebrities but never getting the one I wanted to see.

I’m also breaking away from subjective rankings — 50 greatest NBA players, etc. — but there are some that still drag me in.

One of those was the worst attractions in each state. It was a reasonably interesting mix of silly, overrated and expensive, but some of the opinions were strange. The Magic Kingdom is a poor copy of Disneyland? I’ve been to both, although not recently, and I have to disagree.

Neither one is much of an E ticket ride anymore, although a family visit to either can run you as much as a year’s tuition at a community college.

Calling the Old Man of the Mountain New Hampshire’s worst is kind of unfair. Winds and other elements have essentially destroyed the Old Man as it used to be. But nobody’s charging anyone to see what’s no longer there.

For some reason, the Midwest — particularly the Great Plains states — are sort of awful, from Kansas’s giant ball of twine to Carhenge in Nebraska to Tommy the Turtle (don’t ask) in North Dakota.

I personally have seen only five of the 50, the Magic Kingdom and four others.

One is just silly. I wouldn’t bother with the gondola rides at the Venetian Casino Hotel in Las Vegas, but then I’ve actually been to the real Venice. The one in Italy.

I can’t get too worked up about the Nickelodeon Universe (formerly Camp Snoopy) at Minnesota’s Mall of America. It’s just one small part of Consumer Heaven (or Hell, depending on your point of view). There’s plenty to do there without ever thinking about the rides.

There must be far worse things in my home state than the Coca Cola Museum in Atlanta. Coca Cola is such a big part of local history, and the museum is a lot more than just pushing a product.

The one attraction I’ve seen that was truly awful is in South Carolina. If you’re driving on Interstate 95, beginning about 50 miles out, you’ll see billboards advertising South of the Border as if it were an amazing tourist attraction.

Folks, it’s a truck stop.

Maybe a glorified truck stop, but still a truck stop.

America the … kitschiful.

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