Eleven years ago, I learned the secret of happiness.
I discovered three things that if done consistently, would result in a perfectly happy life.
Imagine my dismay when I discovered I couldn’t do them.
Oh, I could do one of the three with no problem and another one most of the time, but it was the third one that was the insurmountable hurdle.
What were the three things?
- Love God to show yourself you are not the crown of creation, the pinnacle of existence. Show humility.
- Practice the Law of Reciprocity. Indeed, put other people first where it is possible.
- Let go of regrets, especially when they involve things that can never be changed.
The first one isn’t difficult for me. I am a firm believer in a loving God, a deity who wants his followers to succeed and be happy. I believe in a savior Christ, who died for our sins and was resurrected and ascended into heaven. I believe in a loving Mary, the virgin mother of Jesus.
I don’t call myself Christian when people ask, largely because the fundamentalists have poisoned the word, but I am a practicing Roman Catholic and will be until I die.
So No. 1 is not a problem.
The second one is tougher. There are certainly many times I can put others first, especially when they are people I love or otherwise care about. I do what I can charitably, but I’m not much on donating time and effort to help folks in need, and there are certainly times even with those I love when I put myself first.
No. 2 is an ongoing battle that I still hope to win.
The third one is the killer. I have made so many mistakes in my life, and as hard as I try, I’m not sure I have ever really forgiven myself for any of them. Most of it comes down to being at war with my parents when I was younger, and while I’m sure it caused them unhappiness, all the real negative effects were on me.
My first marriage was probably doomed from the start, but I certainly didn’t do anything to ameliorate the problems we had. We split up more than 40 years ago and I still regret my contribution to the failure.
In the 12-plus years between my two marriages, there were several times I caused real pain to women I cared about, women who cared about me.
My life changed forever for the better on September 12th, 1992, when I met Nicole. I’ve told the story numerous times of how we married just 51 days later and are now 29 years of marriage going on 30. I have had more happiness than I deserve both from her and from our two wonderful children (and now six grandchildren).
I wish I had the courage to throw away all my regrets, but all I can do is slog ahead and try not to let them affect the people I love.
I think it was Mr. Loaf, aka Meat Loaf, who said it best.
“Two out of three ain’t bad.”