NO MORE ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAYS’ FOR DEAD PEOPLE

I called up my favorite search engine only to be annoyed.

Google usually has some sort of picture or video link telling us what significance this particular date on the calendar has, and today was no exception. I was informed that today was Stephen Hawking’s 80th birthday.

My first reaction was that I thought he had died a few years back, so I looked up Hawking.

He did.

Die, I mean. A couple of months past his 76th birthday.

So today wasn’t his 80th birthday. If you want to call it the 80th anniversary of his birth, that’s correct, but what’s the point of that?

Hawking was a great scientist and had an incredible intellect, but he was never going to be the most famous person born on January 8th. That honor would have to go to someone celebrating his seventh birthday when Hawking was born.

Step up to the microphone, Mister Elvis Presley.

I’m surprised Google didn’t tell us today was Elvis’s 87th birthday. Of course, he died 45 years ago.

Who is the most famous person still alive born on this day? It’s got to be Donald Trump’s pal Kim Jong-Un, who is 39 today. He edges out singer Shirley Bassey, who is 87. She sand “Goldfinger,” which probably means she brought pleasure to more people than Trump or Kim.

Next month we will be told it’s Abraham Lincoln’s 223rd birthday and George Washington’s 290th. Both those dates used to be federal holidays, and since Bob Dole died, there is no longer anyone alive who knew them.

Really, Mike? Another Bob Dole is old joke?

Last one, I promise.

I wonder why it is that people feel obligated to celebrate the birthdays of folks who died many years ago. It isn’t as if they get something from it. In fact, thinking about Lincoln, who died 157 years ago this April just makes me think how few Republicans would follow the Rail Splitter if he showed up tomorrow.

As for birthdays, we really only have one — the day we emerged from the womb. All the following ones are anniversaries of our birth. That’s why I prefer what the French say one that special day.

Bonne anniversaire.

Somehow I doubt we will change, especially if people are told it would be more like the way the French do it.

But just as we say “his name is” and the English say “he is called,” we don’t always get it right.

So happy anniversary, Steve.

Happy anniversary, Elvis.

See how easy it is.

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