In March 1990, when I was covering college basketball for the Reno Gazette-Journal, I was driving from Reno to Boise, Idaho (only 35 miles from my favorite Idaho town, Tickle Me). to cover the Big Sky Conference basketball tournament.
It was a pretty nice day and I was breezing along in my Pontiac Fiero, listening to the kid in the passenger seat rant about how much he hated the Baby Boomers. I don’t remember his name, but he was our 21-year-old intern from Arizona State and he was accompanying me to do sidebars and notes.
His two biggest complaints were drugs and Elvis.
He despised both.
I tried to explain to him that Elvis wasn’t really a boomer deal. He was really a product of the ’50s Generation. I’m an early boomer, and Elvis was popular before I even started school.
He wasn’t listening, the first of maybe hundreds of times I’ve heard people whine about the boomers. It never ceases. One of the most ridiculous ones I saw was on Facebook, and it was some puling millennial going on about 25 horrible things the boomers gave to the world.
I decided to give it a look, and I saw two problems with it. First, the P.M. author had listed 45 things. Second, at least 40 of them were things that had little to do with the Baby Boom.
I was so thrilled to see something that inspired me to respond and had nothing — well, nearly nothing — to do with Donald Trump that I sat down right way to do this.
Well, three days later …
Here we go.
1. DIAMONDS — Yes, I know diamonds are a scam that maintain their value only through severely limiting the supply. But diamonds were around long before Howdy Doody or Davy Crockett. There’s nothing special that connects them to the boomers.
2. GOLF — Well, George Carlin ranted about golf courses and what a pussy sport golf is. But Carlin was born in 1937, and golf was popular long before the first boomer boomed. Yes, it’s still around, and it didn’t gain popularity because of the boomers.
3. MALLS — This is just about the only one on the list I can’t argue. Malls started in the ’60s and pretty much hit their heyday in the ’80s. Now they’re going away. When I was at George Washington University at the beginning of the ’70s, a friend of mine from Long Island said that Northern Virginians think of Tyson’s Corner as heaven. Well, yeah.
4. PLAIN WHITE TOAST — Say what?
5. 24-HOUR NEWS — It’s horrible, but if you look at most of the big names behind it, starting with Ted Turner and CNN, not a boomer deal.
6. YAHOO — Probably more a Gen X thing. I never much used Yahoo. America Online might have been appropriate, but Yahoo? Nah. And my P.M. friend forgot the !
7. CROCS — My son is 37 years old. He was in his early 20s before I ever heard of Crocs. He loved them. I can’t wear them. Not a boomer thing.
8. READER’S DIGEST — The only person I ever knew who read Reader’s Digest was my grandfather, who was born in 1895. I would glance through it occasionally when visiting him, but I never did find “I Am Bob’s Uterus.”
9. IRONING — All I can do here is speak for myself. I’ve never ironed anything on my life. Ironing was around long before the boomers.
10. JORTS — I think this is supposed to mean jeans/shorts. At any rate, more of a farm thing. I do remember in the late ’60s and early ’70s some folks wore bib overalls to show they were hippies. I was having enough trouble getting laid without that.
11. SCRIPTED ART FROM DEPARTMENT STORES — Is Bed Bath & Beyond a department store? Seriously, the picture is on the wall in my office, but this style of stuff came along long after the boomers. I put things like this on my wall because it makes my wife happy, which makes me happy.
12. AIRBRUSHED T-SHIRTS — I think t-shirts are sort of an every generation thing. Blame the boomers for tie dyed, but not the others.
13. CONSPIRACY THEORIES — Not a boomer thing, a paranoid thing. although the biggest conspiracy theory guy I know is a 69-year-old boomer.
14. NCIS — The television show, not the actual NCIS. I know from personal relationships that boomers have less influence with network TV programming than 14-year-old boys. As far as the networks are concerned, we’re too old to care about.
15. E-MAILS — Blame us for snail mail if you want, but e-mail was after our time.
16. LANDLINES — Blame older people than the boomers for this. My landline is only plugged in about a third of the time, and even then it’s pretty much just for emergencies. My phone is an iPhone 13.
17. CRUISES — Nope, this is the “Greatest Generation.” Never been on a cruise ship in my life and neither have most of my friends.
18. PAPER BILLS — Blaming us for these is ridiculous. These go back much further than us, maybe all the way back to Adam and Steve.
19. ALL CAPS — Boomers are hardly the only stupid people with poor impulse control. If I type all caps, it’s because I’ve hit the Caps Lock by mistake. And I go back and correct it.
20. RETIREMENT FUNDS — Huh?
21. MRS. DASH — This is apparently some spice I’ve never heard of.
22. HOME SHOPPING NETWORKS — Rednecks and lowbrows, not boomers.
23. SLACKS — You got me, bub. We didn’t invent slacks, but I’ve got no idea why they’re bad.
24. RACQUETBALL — El Boomerinos didn’t invent racquetball, but Our Puling Millennial apparently thinks everyone should play tennis instead.
25. PATTERNED WALLPAPER — I think my great grandmother had patterned wallpaper. That was before they had paint.
26. CABLE TV — Again, not a boomer thing. I think OPM (see No. 24) thinks people who don’t stream everything through their laptops or tablets is old fashioned. Bit of an elitist, eh?
27. GENDERED EVERYTHING — Damn, we were the generation that started getting away from that. Just ask Caitlyn Jenner and Jacko.
28. CHAIN RESTAURANTS — Chain restaurants, especially when it comes to fast food, are much more a lowbrow thing than a boomer thing. And they’re more about economies of scale than anything else. My last newspaper job was for a suburban L.A. paper in a city that was majority Latino. When they surveyed each year for best of the best, Taco Bell finished second for Best Taco. Thanks, Anglos.
29. KNICKKNACKS — Hardly a boomer thing. Go back all the way to the Bible and you’ll see Mrs. Lot had a collection of salt shakers.
30. BUFFETS — Not a boomer thing. An Obese America thing.
31. BAR SOAP — Now we’re getting into “what a freaking moron” territory. Bar soap was with us before the first boomer was born and will be with us after the last boomer dies. Just because some elitist thinks body wash is better isn’t the boomers’ fault.
32. TAX CUTS FOR THE RICH — Ronald Reagan, boy boomer.
33. OVERLY PROCESSED FOOD — The writer included a picture of a first generation TV dinner, but we didn’t create those or even ask for them.
34. DATELINE — A boring TV show. Well beyond boomer times.
35. POTPOURRI — I’m going to have to get sexist here. I think more than a boomer thing, this is what we used to call a chick thing. I’ve never met a guy who thinks about potpourri.
36. METAL DETECTORS — Boomers and metal detectors? I’ve never seen anyone under the age of 80 using a metal detector on a beach. This is not a boomer thing.
37. JUICE FROM CONCENTRATE — We didn’t invent this. I don’t know when it started, but I know few people drink it anymore. Not accurate to blame it on us.
38. THROW PILLOWS — These were around before I was born. Not a boomer thing.
39. CATALOGS — Boomers started catalogs? Sears & Roebuck and Montgomery Ward’s were selling to rural and small-town America by catalogs more than a hundred years ago.
40. AVON — I’m beginning to think that our Puling Millennial may not understand the concept of baby boomers. Avon Cosmetics not only isn’t a boomer thing, it was founded in 1886, before most boomers’ grandparents were born.
41. FOSSIL FUELS — Gas? Oil? Cars? A boomer thing? Nope.
42. FUZZY TOILET SEAT COVERS — This is much, much more than a boomer thing. This has nothing to do with baby boomers, except maybe of the type comedian Jeff Foxworthy chronicles. “You might be a redneck if …”
43. MEATLOAF — What on earth does meatloaf have to do with baby boomers?
44. INFOMERCIALS — I’m not sure infomercials are significant enough to matter, and I don’t think they’re a boomer thing either.
45. WEIRD SALADS — Post-boomer, mostly children of the boomers. Taco Salad was weird enough for us.