I don’t know if it’s fair to call it the worst time of the year musically, but it really is something how many truly awful songs we hear dozens if not hundreds of times in the last six or seven weeks of the year.
Yes, Christmas carols.
Not so much the religious ones, although there are at least a couple that make me want to stick a finger down my throat and vomit. If I never hear “The Little Drummer Boy” again it will be too soon. Originally known as “Carol of the Drum,” it wasd written in 1941 and first recorded by the Trapp family in 1951. Another reason to hate “The Sound of Music.”
Secular carols hit a new low in 1979 when Randy Brooks wrote “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer,” about an older women who tried to walk home in the snow on Christmas Eve despite being drunk on egg nog. His inspiration for writing the song was his uncle, Foster Brooks, maybe the least funny comedian of the last 300 years.
Actually, some of the biggest secular carols are at least a little bit on the whiny side. Look at the lyrics of “White Christmas,” “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” and “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” and all of them qualify. Of course all three came out during World War II, when millions of families were praying their soldiers, sailors and marines would survive the holidays overseas.
Actually, the last major secular carol came out in 1950. I always liked “Silver Bells,” and I think I was in early middle age before I realized that the bells being run were by Salvation Army volunteers on street corners. I was in my late 40s and a newspaper columnist in Southern California before I spent three hours as a volunteer myself.
I was actually shocked to realize that the man who wrote “Silver Bells” earned more than $50 million in royalties for that one song.
Actually, the song that has become one of my favorites for Christmas is one I didn’t discover until about 15 years ago. I was reading on the BBC website and I saw a survey asking people to name their favorite Christmas songs.
Imagine my surprise to see the all-time favorite was a song including lyrics like drunk tank, bum, punk, slut, scumbag, maggot and cheap lousy faggot.
Never once mentioned Santa or Father Christmas.
The song is called “Fairytale of New York,” and it’s by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl.
And surprise, surprise. It’s wonderful.
Wonderful … and heartbreaking.
Pogues frontman Shane MacGowan and MacColl are borderline Skid Row types who are nearing the end of the line in lives that haven’t really worked out. MacColl’s line “Merry Christmas, your ass, I pray God it’s our last” pretty much says it all.
I had never heard of MacColl, and I was disappointed to learn that she had died in Mexico in 2000 when she was hit by a powerboat saving her 15-year-old son from being hit by the same boat. She had six albums out and I bought all six on iTunes and enjoyed them very much.
“Fairytale” is maybe my favorite secular Christmas song, and another one from around the same time that ranks high on my list is the Kinks’ “Father Christmas.”
Two wonderful songs you probably haven’t heard a million times.
And that’s good when it comes to this time of year.