Shark attacks.
Electric boats.
Water pressure in the bathroom.
All the great things he’s done for black people.
What a lovely man Hannibal Lecter was.
Boy, that Harry Truman sure was all over the map on issues.
Of course we’re not talking about Harry Truman, a great president who never had to tell anyone how great he was.
No, our subject here is Donald Trump, who apparently decided to fight the idea that he was weird by picking a running mate who may be the weirdest major party candidate ever.
Unmarried cat ladies.
People with children should get more votes.
Sectional relations with a piece of furniture.
I don’t know how the story about Republican vice presidential candidate J.D. Vance and his favorite couch got started. I read “Hillbilly Elegy” a few years back and I certainly don’t remember Vance writing anything like that. But the man who apparently started the couch story spoke of a story attributed to Lyndon Johnson.
LBJ supposedly wanted to invent a rumor that one of his political opponents liked having sex with pigs.
“Christ, we can’t get away with calling him a pig-fucker,” the campaign manager said. “Nobody’s going to believe a thing like that.”
“I know,” Johnson replied. “But let’s make the sonofabitch deny it.”
The Vance story may or may not be true, but there will always be people who believe it is. When he dies, there will be people who say, “That’s the guy who fucked the couch.”
And he’s still less weird than Trump.