I remember back in the 1970s, there were some people who thought Henry Kissinger would be a wonderful president of the United States.
Unfortunately for them, Hank was never eligible to be president and in fact had to be removed from the line of succession because of one simple fact.
No, not because he was ugly.
Not because he was arrogant.
Not even because he talked funny, although you’re on the right track.
Because he was German, and president is one of just two elected offices for which the Constitution requires that the person who holds it is a native-born American.
And the other is?
Donald Trump’s towel boy. No, the other one is … duh … vice president.
Any now that Trump has been demoted to vice president for the upcoming term, he no longer rates a towel boy. In fact, Trump will be hearing one particular phrase over and over when President Elon Musk calls him into the Oval Office.
“These balls aren’t going to wash themselves.”
And the worst thing is, when Trump scurries into Musk’s office a la girly Biff Tannen at the end of “Back to the Future,” he won’t even be washing good old American balls.
Musk was born in what was then called the Union of South Africa — “U-S-A, U-S-A” — and didn’t become an American citizen until he was past 30. The only possible way he could get Musk behind the Resolute desk was to say he was Tup Pence in disguise.
Sadly, it’s just another example of how Trump grifted his way through four years and now is back for more.
The only question is whether Trump is the man behind the curtain or the disembodied head on the wall. Either way, the words coming out of his bloated mouth are a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
That Billy Shakespeare sure could write purty.
For all the bashing right wingers have been doing about President Biden’s cognitive decline, there are times in which Trump’s decline is every bit as dramatic and often far more bizarre.
“You’re not going to talk about “eating the dogs” again, are you?
Nah, you took care of that for me.
“Why I oughta …”
Seriously, Trump didn’t work particularly hard when he was in the White House before, and at 78 it isn’t like we’re replacing an old man with a young kid. In fact, Trump will be the oldest man ever to start a presidential term by more than five months. If he is fortunate enough to serve out his entire term, he will be less than five months from his 83rd birthday.
Hello, President Musk.
So foreign-born Hank couldn’t do it. Foreign-born Arnold Schwarzenegger couldn’t do it. Foreign-born Jennifer Granholm couldn’t do it. Foreign-born Ted Cruz thought he could do it, but people wouldn’t vote for him.
But Musk figured out a way to do it, largely because Donald Trump is a lazy man who would rather be on the golf course.
Thanks, Santa.
Now all he has to do is make sure Trump stays alive, because the elected vice president, aka Hillbilli Vanilla, won’t need the same deal.
He’s even younger than Musk.