In January 1980, something I had hoped would last a lifetime … didn’t.
I had just turned 30, and my marriage ended. Things had been crummy between us for more than a year, and my wife said we needed to separate for a while but maybe things would work out down the line.
They didn’t. Once I was out and on my own, I felt a tremendous burden had been removed. And while there were a couple of times during 1980 that she sort of hinted that we should see each other, the only time we got together was to sign the divorce papers.
When I think back on it, I’m always reminded of Leonard Cohen’s song, “Everybody Knows,” particularly the third verse.
“Everybody knows that you love me baby, everybody knows that you really do. Everybody knows that you’ve been faithful give or take a night or two. Everybody knows you’ve been discreet, but there were so many people you just had to meet without your clothes and everybody knows.”
I figured love would be sweeter the second time around, but going into 1992, I was still alone. It wasn’t that there hadn’t been possibilities. It would be ignoble to go into details and named names, but all of them except one are happily married to someone else (not the same guy) and I’m not sure about the one.
I know my first wife has had two other marriages end, although to be fair to her, the last guy died.
In early 1992, at age 42 and living in Orange County, California, I realized something strange. I didn’t feel unhappy or lonely. There was a real possibility that I would never marry again and I would never father a child.
I was OK with it.
So of course it happened, and while I didn’t provide any of my DNA for the most wonderful children in the world, they are as much my children as if I had been there when they were born.
I think they were 13 and 8 when the above picture was taken, and my wife Nicole was young and beautiful.
We met on September 12th, 1992, and married on November 2nd of the same year. As a friend once said to me, most people get to know each other and then get married. We did it the other way around.
I’m not 42 anymore, and I have fewer years in front of me than I do behind me. But my two children, their spouses and my six grandchildren have given me nothing but joy.
And my wife? Nicole is the sun, moon and stars in my sky. I have never loved anyone as much as I love her and I know I never will.
We’re working of the 29th year of our marriage, and I pray there will be many more.
I had always wanted to have my marriage last a lifetime. I just didn’t know it would be the second one.
Today is a special day for Nicole, and all I can say is happy birthday, my love.
May there be many more.