In the first 60 years of my life, I had exactly one surgery.
It was 1976, and I spent four days in the hospital for what today might be outpatient surgery. On New Year’s Day 1972, I was engaged in playing football with other guys from my neighborhood. One of the players on the opposing team was probably a borderline psychopath. The game wasn’t going his way and when tackling me on one play, he punched by with an uppercut to my chin that made me bite through my lower lip before it broke my nose.
I got my nose repaired in 1976, and I made it all the way to my 60s without anything else other than a few teeth being pulled.
But since we moved to Georgia and since I started transitioning from middle age into old age, I have had a number of minor procedures. I had two different epidurals to remove pain that was all but keeping me from walking. I had a catheter in my urethra for 10 days after a biopsy for a bladder tumor and arthroscopic surgery on my left knee that showed I no longer have a medial collateral ligament.
Most of those were relatively minor procedures, although I defy anyone to call 10 days with a catheter minor.
This week, though, I have a relatively important procedure scheduled. Just as it’s said that when you reach age 85, you have a 50-50 chance for some sort of dementia, the mid 70s make it fairly likely you’ll suffer from some degree of cataracts in your eyes.
A little more than a year ago, an eye exam revealed the beginning of cataracts in my eyes. I was told there was no real problem yet, but I ought to be aware that one was coming.
This past spring, my optometrist said it was getting worse, but if it didn’t really borhter me, I could wait.
The last few months, it was bothering me. I saw the doctor again and he scheduled me for surgery. Or maybe I should say surgeries.
I’m having one eye done this Thursday and the other one four weeks later. The separation of basically a month will have at least one very strange effect.
I am basically nearsighted. I need glasses to be able to drive, but not to read. The surgery essentially will reverse that. I will no longer need glasses for distance, but will be unable to read without reading glasses.
That may sound strange, but the real oddity will be the time between the two surgeries. During that time, one eye will be nearsighted and the other will be farsighted.
It should be bizarre.