Dukakis in the tank.
Kerry dressed in the white costume that made him look like a sperm.
DeSantis in the white go-go boots.
Will they ever learn?
Presidential candidates nearly always have speechwriters. They nearly always have press secretaries, advance men and policy people.
But far too many of them seem to lack one person who only seems valuable in his absence, a person who will answer honestly when the candidate asks the question, “Does this make me look like a wanker?”
Or when they don’t ask, someone who will speak up and tell them that if they go out in public looking like that, people will never stop laughing at them. In fact, it might be in the first paragraph of their obituary.
When Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis dropped out of the presidential race Sunday, there were certainly numerous reasons his campaign had failed to catch on. First and foremost has to be that he just wasn’t particularly likable. He built his entire image in Florida around the idea of “owning the libs,” of turning the state into a place where woke was a bad word.
That may work in The Villages, the massive right-wing retirement community north of Orlando, but it clearly wasn’t playing in too many places north of the Sunshine State. It often seemed like DeSantis was trying to be Donald Trump without the phony nice side.
Second, the man has absolutely no charisma.
Third, can you name any positive thing he is for? He’s against pronouns, drag queens, abortion and American history. But other than burning books, what’s he for?
Fourth, those damn boots. Why any straight man would wear white boots is beyond me, unless maybe it’s some sort of dog whistle to Republican white supremacists. Actually, I wonder why anyone who isn’t from Texas would make boots part of his image.
Some bootmakers have speculated that boots can do a better, less detectable job of increasing a person’s height. DeSantis claims to be 5-foot-11, but that appears to be with a 2-3 inch boost from the boots. If he was standing next to Trump and neither had anything on their feet, he might look five or six inches shorter.
The taller candidate doesn’t always win. In fact, Trump was taller than Joe Biden in 2020 and Mitt Romney was taller than Barack Obama in 2012. But neither Biden nor Obama looked like elves next to their opponents.
DeSantis looks little.
Even so, I would be willing to be he never wears those white boots again.